Number 1

My first blog. Normally I'm not comfortable putting my private thoughts in a public forum. I don't actually know why I'm doing this. My brother set it up, now I suppose I should use it. He thinks I'm a good writer and have interesting things to say to the world. It's nice to have someone believe in you like that.

I feel like I'm going to have to start believing in myself in a whole new way. The possibility is very real for me now that I could lose my job. Just like millions of other people. I don't know why I thought I could escape a nationwide epidemic, but I did. I know nothing about what I am about to say will be original, there is no reason why my complaints heard more then anyone else.

So, I'm not going to write that way. I'm going to assume that everyone knows our current economic situation completely sucks. The fear of losing my job has started to move toward a combination of that fear and a little bit of liberation. I would be free. Terrified and broke, but free.

Theoretically, I have the opportunity to jump start my life .; my time, my level of concentration, my awareness of the city I live in, my ambition. It would be my own personal revolution.

Nothing is set in stone. I could not join the other hundreds of thousands of people on unemployment. This post is an emotional outburst to rumor.

It has however, made several things that I myself have wanted to improve in life with extreme clarity. I've imagined myself in new jobs, with bosses that talk to me. I've imagined the extreme joy it must be receiving a larger paycheck and the rewards those said paychecks provide.

I'm still torn between reveling in the possibilities and succumbing to panic to the point of paralysis. (I tend to spend a lot of time thinking about events or situations that have not happened, may never happen, but I'll still stress over it...to what might be ridiculous levels). I've decided to be proactive. Hope for the best, prepare for the worst. Being out of work would not be the worst thing that could happen to me. It might inspire me to use my time off to get my dog under control. It might inspire to finally pick a path in life.

As I'm writing this, a thought occurred to me, not being fired would be the worst thing that could happen to me.

Staying as I am now, in my current line of employ, would only prolong my self imposed inertia. I've never thought of myself as an adventurous person, but swift and dramatic change is not something I am a stranger to in life. Exhilaration at figuring it all out, when there's no plan, no net, no help and you are own your own far out weighs any kind of fear I've ever felt.